Me and driving

Before I got my drivers license I dreamed about the black Porsche I was going to drive one day, I could not imagine anything cooler than stepping in and out of my little sports car. In Finland you can drive from the age of 18 and that is when most youngsters get their license. As I approached 18 I realized that for me the driver's license was not so important after all, I was in no hurry to drive. My grandmother taught my father how to drive and so my father thought that it would be a good idea to teach me how to drive too. I was studying in Vasa at the time so we practiced driving during the weekends when I was at home (and actually I also practiced driving in Vasa with my room mate on the parking lot of the school...until the car broke once, that's a different story though). Our driving lessons usually consisted of me and my father driving around in Jakobstad on Sundays, a day when there were only a few, if any, cars on the streets. We were basically just cruising, my father tried to teach me a thing or two about traffic rules but I only listened with one ear, for me it was more important to learn how to handle the car... When you learn how to drive with a parent you naturally also have to have some theory, we were not so diligent on this, I read the book and figured 'piece of cake'.  To make a long story short, I failed the theory part 6, yes SIX times and the practical driving test 2, yes TWICE. I ended up taking a few lessons with a driving school, both theory and driving lessons, the teacher was strict and I did not dare oppose to anything he said. I finally got the license. The year after I went off to Maastricht to study and I only got to drive during the holidays when I went home. Due to the lack of driving experience where more cars than mine were involved, I developed a 'fear of driving'. I felt very insecure about driving on a motorway or in the center of big cities, well, anywhere where you had to focus on more things around you than your own car. Soon I realized that having a Porsche one day would be terror for me, I mean, how could I ever drive a car like that, when I was so scared of driving. For years my fear remained solid and I had somehow accepted that I will always be a bad and scared driver who will always have to live somewhere where I am not dependent on a car. And then we moved out to the suburbs and as going back to work approached I realized that I had two choices; 1) Go into town by bus every morning in rain, snow, sunshine etc. and going back by bus, wasting time or 2) Overcome my fear of driving and save an enormous amount of time and sanity. I started driving small distances around the neighborhood building up my self confidence, going out on the highway I was so scared that my feet were shaking and I had had stomach pain since the night before. I felt comfortable behind the wheel and I felt comfortable in my car, it was the other cars that were the problem. I was thinking about going to a shrink to deal with my fear but then a friend asked me 'what is it that you are really afraid of when it comes to driving' and as I thought about this I came to the conclusion that I was scared to 'piss off' other drivers and right after that I just realized that I have every much right to be out there on those streets and those highways as everybody else and that I also pay taxes for these roads and that I do not have to feel like I am in the way. After this realization my feet stopped shaking and the knot in my stomach opened up, my fear was gone. It has taken me a year to feel really comfortable driving, and now to feel comfortable about driving to places where I have not driven to before, but the fear is gone and yesterday Hendrik even complimented me saying what a good and confident driver I have become. I have to give Hendrik part of the credit, he is a very good and secure driver and having sat next to him over the years seeing how he handles certain traffic situations has thought me a lot, both good and bad, nowadays I do not hesitate to raise my fist to other drivers if I feel that they are not behaving as they should, to the extent that Hendrik is a bit worried. The next step for me will be to drive in Peru after that I am ready to drive pretty much anywhere in the world, except for Capri, driving there is INSANE. The dream about the Porsche is but a distant memory, now I dream about a mini cooper or a mini fiat 500, although it has to be said that I love my Volkswagen Golf and I have to confess that I will actually miss driving to and from work.